New to ethical non-monogamy? This glossary covers every term you’ll encounter — from polycule to compersion, fluid bonding to metamour. Bookmark this page.
A
Amatonormativity — The cultural assumption that a monogamous romantic relationship is the default, superior, or most desirable relationship type. ENM challenges this assumption.
Anchor Partner — A deeply committed partner who provides emotional stability and grounding, similar to a nesting or primary partner.
Autonomy — The principle that each person in an ENM relationship retains the right to make their own choices about their body, relationships, and life.
B
Boundary — A personal limit about what you are and are not comfortable with. In ENM, boundaries are communicated openly and respected by all partners.
C
Chosen Family — A network of people, not necessarily blood relatives, who provide deep emotional support. Common in ENM and queer communities.
Closed Triad / Quad — A group of 3 or 4 people all in relationship with each other but not seeking outside partners. Sometimes called polyfidelitous.
Comet — A partner you see infrequently — perhaps a few times a year — but share a deep and meaningful connection with when you do.
Compersion — The feeling of joy you experience when your partner is happy with another person. Often described as the opposite of jealousy. One of ENM’s most celebrated emotional experiences.
Consent — Informed, enthusiastic, and ongoing agreement to engage in any physical or emotional activity. The cornerstone of ethical non-monogamy.
D
DADT (Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell) — An open relationship agreement where partners consent to outside connections but choose not to share details. Works for some, but can create emotional distance.
Demisexual — A person who only experiences sexual attraction after forming a deep emotional bond. Common in ENM communities.
E
ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy) — The umbrella term for any relationship structure involving multiple partners, with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
Escalator (Relationship Escalator) — The cultural script for monogamous relationships: date → commit → move in → marry → have children. ENM often intentionally steps off this escalator.
F
Fluid Bonding — Choosing to have unprotected sex with a specific partner, usually after STI testing and mutual agreement across all partners.
Found Family — A chosen group of people who function as family. Polycules and ENM networks often become found families.
Full Swap — In swinging, when couples exchange partners for all sexual activity including penetration. Compare with soft swap.
FMF / FFM — A threesome configuration involving two women and one man. The order of letters indicates the central person.
G
Greyromantic — A person who rarely experiences romantic attraction, or only under very specific circumstances.
H
Hierarchical Polyamory — A poly structure where some relationships are given more priority than others, often described as primary, secondary, or tertiary.
Hinge — The person in a V-shaped relationship who is romantically connected to both other partners, who are not involved with each other.
I
Informed Consent — Agreement made with full knowledge of all relevant information. In ENM, this means all partners know who else is involved and what agreements are in place.
Intimate Network — The full web of romantic and sexual connections in someone’s ENM life, including partners, metamours, and close friends.
J
Jealousy — An emotional response to a perceived threat to something you value in a relationship. In ENM, jealousy is treated as information to be explored, not a reason to stop.
K
Kitchen Table Polyamory — A poly style where all partners and metamours know and socialise with each other comfortably — as if gathered around a kitchen table.
Kink — Sexual interests or practices outside conventional norms. Kink and ENM communities overlap significantly.
L
Limerence — An intense, obsessive state of romantic attraction, often confused with love. Frequently experienced during NRE.
Linked Partners — Two people who are metamours — connected through a shared partner but not directly involved with each other.
M
Metamour — Your partner’s other partner. Someone you are indirectly connected to through a shared partner. Metamours may be close friends or may never meet.
MFM — A threesome configuration with two men and one woman.
Mono/Poly — A relationship dynamic where one partner is monogamous and the other is polyamorous. Requires careful communication and boundary-setting.
Monogamish — Mostly monogamous but with occasional, agreed-upon exceptions. Term coined by sex columnist Dan Savage.
N
Nesting Partner — A partner you live with. May or may not be a primary partner depending on relationship structure.
Non-Hierarchical Polyamory — A poly structure where no relationship is formally ranked above another. All connections are treated with equal importance.
NRE (New Relationship Energy) — The intense euphoria at the start of a new relationship. Can cause people to neglect existing partners if not managed consciously.
O
One Penis Policy (OPP) — A rule where a man allows his female partner to date women but not other men. Widely considered problematic and rooted in insecurity.
Open Relationship — A relationship structure where both partners agree to have other sexual or romantic connections outside the primary partnership.
OSO (Other Significant Other) — A partner’s other partner. Equivalent to metamour, used more in North American ENM communities.
P
Parallel Polyamory — A poly style where partners know of each other’s existence but don’t interact or socialise together.
Paramour — A romantic partner, particularly one outside a primary relationship.
Platonic — A deep, meaningful relationship that is non-romantic and non-sexual. Platonic partnerships can be incredibly important in ENM networks.
Pod — A close-knit group of ENM partners and metamours who provide mutual support, similar to a family unit.
Polycule — The full network of people connected through romantic or sexual relationships in a polyamorous web. Can be mapped like a constellation.
Polyfidelity — A closed polyamorous group where members only date within the group and do not seek outside connections.
Primary Partner — In hierarchical polyamory, the partner given the highest level of priority — often a spouse, cohabiting partner, or long-term love.
Processing — Working through emotions and experiences, typically in conversation with partners. A core ENM skill.
Q
Quad — Four people all romantically or sexually connected to each other, often two couples who have formed relationships across the group.
Queer — An umbrella term for non-heterosexual or non-cisgender identities. ENM and queer communities have significant overlap.
R
Relationship Anarchy (RA) — A philosophy that rejects predefined labels and hierarchies in relationships. Each connection is defined entirely by the people in it.
Relationship Check-In — A regular, structured conversation between partners to assess how the relationship is working and address any concerns.
S
Safe Word — A pre-agreed word or signal that immediately pauses or stops any activity. Used in sexual encounters and also in ENM to signal emotional overwhelm.
Satellite Partner — A partner with whom you have less day-to-day entanglement — they exist on the edge of your life but the connection is meaningful.
Secondary Partner — In hierarchical polyamory, a partner given less priority than a primary — often someone you don’t live with or share finances with.
Soft Swap — In swinging, engaging sexually with other partners but stopping short of penetrative sex.
Solo Polyamory — Being polyamorous while prioritising personal independence. Solo polys typically don’t seek to cohabit, merge finances, or build a traditional partnership structure.
Swinging — Recreational sex with other couples or singles, typically with an emphasis on the physical rather than emotional connection.
T
Tertiary Partner — A casual partner with minimal involvement in your day-to-day life. Less priority than primary or secondary in hierarchical structures.
Triad — Three people all romantically connected to each other. Also called a throuple. Everyone dates everyone.
U
Unicorn — A bisexual person (usually a woman) who joins an existing couple for sexual or romantic involvement. Named for their perceived rarity.
Unicorn Hunting — When a couple actively seeks a bisexual person to join them, often with one-sided rules that prioritise the couple over the third. Widely considered problematic.
V
Vee / V-Relationship — A relationship structure where one person (the hinge) dates two people who are not romantically involved with each other. Shaped like the letter V.
Veto — A rule giving one partner the power to end their partner’s other relationships. Controversial — many ENM practitioners avoid veto power as it can be controlling.
W
Wibble — A mild, momentary feeling of insecurity or jealousy in polyamory. Less intense than full jealousy, often resolved quickly with reassurance.
This glossary contains 60 terms and is updated regularly as ENM language evolves. New to ENM? Start here or explore our ENM 101 guides.
Dirty Little Couples 